Cry Baby Brits

The myth of Britain's stiff upper lip

The death of Diana is often said to be the moment the UK lost its stiff upper lip and the British started being comfortable crying in public. But has the UK always been a nation for mass outpourings of national grief?

In recent years it seems Britain has become a nation of cry-babies, despite its long-held reputation for keeping emotions firmly buttoned up.

From the most unlikely politicians and public figures - including Peter Mandelson and Alastair Campbell - to just about everyone on a TV talent show, the tears are coming thick and fast.

Often, this shift towards public crying is linked with the death of Diana, Princess of Wales, in 1997. This collective moment of mourning is seen as releasing a nation from the restraints of being reserved and stoical.

But the British actually have a long history of very public outpourings of grief and their reputation for being emotionally reserved is only a relatively recent thing, says historian Dr Thomas Dixon, who is researching a history of crying.

Gushing

The public show of grief at Diana's death is nothing new. She was one in a long line of public figures to be mourned en masse.

"We've been a pretty weepy country through the centuries until the 20th Century," says Dr Dixon.

"It was unusually dry in terms of tears. There was a lot of stoicism and reserve. But if we go back before the 20th Century, we have other peaks of sentiments, emotion and weeping in the late 18th and up to the mid-19th Century. There's been more crying than you might think.

"Even in the 19th Century there were large outpourings of national grief in response to the death of famous figures."

One comparable event was the death of Admiral Lord Nelson in 1805. He had won the Battle of Trafalgar against the French and Spanish navies, but died in doing so.

"There was a huge state funeral and there were many pieces of journalism reporting the event in the national press and many of them talk about 'tears gushing from every eye' and the 'nation's tears', 'Britannia's tears' at the falling of her hero and poems about Nelson and so on," says Dr Dixon.

The UK is currently in a middle of a new wave of weeping in public life, he says. It started in the 1990s, with incidents like Margaret Thatcher leaving Downing Street with tears in her eyes in 1990. In the same year Gazza bawled his eyes out at the World Cup. Then there was mass crying when Princess Diana died.

Irritated

"We may have much more to come," he warns.

So where did Britain's reputation for the stiff upper lip come from?

"That came from World War II," says Dr Dixon. "The 20th Century is where the tears started to dry up. A time of war is no time for weeping, whether you're on the home front or fighting the war against Hitler around the world.

"It's at that point that this ethos emerges that however much private grief one might have, this ethos emerges that British people don't cry because they are strong and determined and resilient and stoical."

Social historian Dr Julie-Marie Strange says that until the mid-19th Century, it was considered fine for men and women to cry in public.

"It's particularly surprising for us when you get Victorian men crying in public. It was deemed fine to cry at a bereavement at a particular situation, for example because of a child death. Lots of people admitted crying at the death of Little Nell in the Old Curiosity Shop [by Charles Dickens]."

Even before the Victorian period officially began, there were occasions of conspicuous public mourning, says Dr Strange.

"The heroes were Byron and Shelley, men who made careers and reputations from being very emotional."

When Byron died in 1824, nearly 20 years after Nelson, lots of young men wore black armbands and wept openly, she says. But by the end of the century, the tone had changed so much that such behaviour was characterised as weak and intellectually stunted.

From the 1880s onwards, it became less acceptable for men particularly to cry in public, she says, partly due to the emergence of what has been called "muscular Christianity", which emphasised a vigorous masculinity in the face of anxieties about the decline of the Empire and the degeneration of Britain as a nation.

This change was best symbolised by writer Oscar Wilde, who sneered at the grief displayed by fans of Charles Dickens over Little Nell.

"One must have a heart of stone to read the death of little Nell without laughing," he famously remarked.

What Wilde would make of today's blubbing, one can only imagine.


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Comments

Montse said…
Why do the British keep a stiff upper lip as far? Is it because of their education? I’m a very sensitive person and many times I can’t help weeping.
Marta said…
The decreasing acceptance of the expression of feelings between men was something common in Europe from the second half of the XIXth century onwards. It was one of the consequences of the domesticity theory which reserved the emotions to women and the world of ideas and rationalism to men.
We're still suffering the effects of this ideology but it seems that sometihng is changing.
Graham said…
Montse:

Things have gone from one extreme to another. People are encouraged to show their feelings and display their grief.

I'm not sure what you mean by "as far" ...
Graham said…
Marta:

It's true that men who reveal their emotional side are seen as weak and women who don't cry are thought uncaring.

... the expression of feelings AMONG men was something common

... which RESERVED the emotions FOR women and the world of ideas and rationalism FOR men.


How's everything going in London?
Marta said…
It's fine. I'm still obsessed with the idea of improving my English but you know how self-demanding I could be so, step by step. I have big news: my thesis has been awarded and it's gonna be published! I can't believe it!
And I will go on another day-trip this Saturday: Dover and Canterbury.
Graham said…
That's great news Marta. I am very pleased for you.

I haven't been to either town. I just know that Canterbury has a cathedral and Dover has the iconic, white cliffs.

Keep me up to date with everything.
Erik said…
I have two pages of notes aabout the text, how many new words! And how many tears.
Graham said…
You are right, Erik. It's amazing how many crying-related vocabulary there is in the text.

Don't even try to learn all the words from your list. Choose the ones that you think would be the most useful.

Have a nice weekend.

Graham said…
Just spotted another "typo" :-) I should have said ... how MUCH crying-related VOCABULARY...
Sir Joseph said…
Hi Graham,

The British always have been cry-babies. I mean the British are cry-babies because always are complaining. The British have every rights, they always have rights over everybody, they be always right, they are the best and if you argue with the British you always make a mistake. Don´t they?

About if the United Kingdom has been a nation for mass outpourings of national grief, I think it is the same than others countries. I don´t find any different. The Spanish bawl his eyes out whatever. I remembger when Mrs. Fabiola got married with Balduino, King of Belgium. I was child and I wonder why people blubbed. I can understand it when there are tragedies, pain, bullying or misfortune, but not when is a sentimental event, it reminded me people who cried in Greek plays and they called mourners or in Sapnish "PlaƱideras".

I laugh at this sentence of the article: "This ethos emerges that British people don´t cry because they are strong and determined and resilient and stoical". This is a clichĆ©. The Spanish said the same and I remember that I watched it in some movies the same expression about the Italians, the US and, of course, the Germans.

See you.
Graham said…
Good afternoon JosƩ,

I don't know which is the lesser of two evils - replying to your comment or unpacking boxes. I'm going to need a long rest after tackling both things. :D

I freely admit that I am a cry baby, though I try to avoid blubbing openly in public. I am an extremely sensitive soul. I will often cry while watching TV. A song, even a happy one, can make me turn on the waterworks.

The stiff upper lip is a British characteristic - emotions should not be displayed openly in public. Keep calm and carry on is the national motto.

But times have changed. We are still lagging behind other nations in the sobbing stakes but Brits are less likely to be inhibited emotionally nowadays.


The British have always been cry-babies. I mean, the British are cry-babies because they are always complaining. The British are always right, they are the best and if you argue with the British, you are always wrong. (Difficult to make sense of the first part!) I am right, aren't I?

As for the United Kingdom being a nation for mass outpourings of grief, I think it is the same as in other countries. I can't see any difference. The Spanish bawl their eyes out at the least thing. I remember when Mrs. Fabiola got married to Balduino, King of Belgium. I was a child and I wondered why people were blubbing. I can understand it when there are tragedies, pain, bullying or misfortune, but not when it is a sentimental event, it reminded me of people who cried in Greek plays - they were called mourners or in Spanish "PlaƱideras".

I laugh at this sentence of the article: "This ethos emerges that British people don´t cry because they are strong and determined and resilient and stoical". This is a clichĆ©. The Spanish say the same and I remember that I heard the same expression about the Italians in some movies, as well as the US and, of course, the Germans.
Montse said…
Hi Graham and JosƩ!
I open this blog again, after a lot of time without visiting it, and the first thing I read is a post from 2011 with a comment from me! It was eight years ago! I think it has rained a lot (tears) since then!
I hope you both have had a good summer. I'm finishing my holidays and sincerely, I don't feel like to come back to work at all.
Graham, by your comment I guess you've already moved to a new house. I find it really stressing...I hope you find nice the new neighborhood.
JosƩ, did you finally retire?
I look forward to meeting you. What do you think, after or before Brexit? šŸ˜„šŸ˜„

Graham said…
Welcome back Montse!

I think we should meet before Brexit, just in case it never happens. I will be celebrating, not crying, if/when it does.

I am in a new flat and very happy with it. I love my new neighbourhood.


... I don't feel like going back to work at all.
Graham, by your comment I guess you've already moved to a new house. I find it really stressful...I hope you like the new neighborhood.
JosƩ, have you retired yet?

See you soon!



Sir Joseph said…
Hello Montse,

I think time doesn´t change but we whether change. Time is the same now and before but I have changed and I ´m near my retirement. Everything is okay, as always my summer and my holidays were the same. I like the routine now that I didn´t like it before.



Montse should visit this blog frequently because it contains a lot of teaching about life. Do you think this blog is only to learn English? No. It´s more than a blog. It contains rules about moral, the environment, animals, Brexit (sometimes), astronomy, policy, the diet, cities, countries and so on. Generally speaking, everything is written with a good mood.



Graham has bought a wonderful flat, completely new and it smells very well. He has chosen Lavapies because it is an old neigbourhood where you can drink well. LOL



I can´t speak about Brexit because we agree it´s better don´t speak about it. This a topic about what we have nothing in common.



When you want we can meet, although you must tell Graham who is the manager about the best way to choose the best place.



See you.
Graham said…
Come on Jose!

You should be impressing Montse with your English skills. And you go and start your comment with "we whether change". I'm puzzled.

I wish I had enough money to buy a flat. Alas, I can only afford to rent though the cost of renting is outrageous.

I want to talk about Brexit but you won't allow me. And we all know what happens when you try to dismiss arguements and shut down debate. :D



I think time doesn´t change but we weather change (perhaps you mean we deal with change like you might weather a storm). Time is the same now as before but I have changed and I ´m nearing my retirement. Everything is okay, as always my summer and my holidays were the same. I like routine now whereas I didn´t like it before.

Montse should visit this blog more often because it contains a lot of teaching about life. Do you think this blog is only to learn English? No. It´s more than a blog. It contains rules about morals, the environment, animals, Brexit (sometimes), astronomy, politics, the diet, cities, countries and so on. Generally speaking, everything is written with a good mood.

I can´t speak about Brexit because we agree it´s better not to speak about it. This a topic about which we have nothing in common.

We can meet whenever you want, although you must tell Graham who is the manager about the best way to choose the best place.
Graham said…
Update:

I've been reliably informed that when JosĆ© said "time doesn´t change but we whether change", he really meant "time doesn't change but we do"