Funny Aeroplane Announcements
Now and again airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight safety presentation and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are a few of them I have found on the web:
Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight.. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."
"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
"Last one off the plane must clean it."
A flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
On a Southwest flight (Southwest has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, “People, people, we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!”
On a Continental flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”
And from the pilot during his welcome message: “Delta Airlines is please to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!”
Heard on Southwest after a very hard landing: “That was quite a bump, and I know what you are all thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t even the flight attendant’s fault…it was the asphalt.”
'Ladies and Gentlemen, I have an announcement. We are about to land in Singapore. If you have any drugs, you will be executed. Thank you.'
Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight.. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."
"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
"Last one off the plane must clean it."
A flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
On a Southwest flight (Southwest has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, “People, people, we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!”
On a Continental flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”
And from the pilot during his welcome message: “Delta Airlines is please to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!”
Heard on Southwest after a very hard landing: “That was quite a bump, and I know what you are all thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t even the flight attendant’s fault…it was the asphalt.”
'Ladies and Gentlemen, I have an announcement. We are about to land in Singapore. If you have any drugs, you will be executed. Thank you.'
Comments
How are you?
It´s the fourth time I try to write something here,and it´s the last.
Please,Could you tell me if I need copy the exercises to do them, or there is a shorter way to do this?
I´d say more things but I´ve lost my work several times.
Please,Could you tell me if I NEED TO copy the exercises to do them, or IS THERE a shorter way OF DOING this?
It hasn't happened to me for a while but my comments used to disappear sometimes for no apparent reason. It might be a good idea to copy them so if they disappear you don't have to start again.