No hugging in the workplace
Source: Marco Bianchetti on Unsplash
Why you shouldn't hug your colleagues
Whatever happened to the simple handshake at work? asks author Alison Green, and the creator of the workplace advice column Ask a Manager.You're greeting a colleague who you haven't seen in a while - and suddenly, without warning, they're enthusiastically opening their arms and heading in for a hug.
Hugging used to be reserved for close family and friends, but it's been infiltrating professional contexts for a while now, leaving huggers delighted and the rest of us shrinking back in the hopes that we can avoid unwanted embraces.
Hugging hasn't become the norm in every industry, but there are entire fields where it's common in both greetings and goodbyes, especially as workplaces become increasingly informal.
That can be odd for those of us who aren't huggers, or who aren't huggers at work. And the fact that different people have different preferences around hugging - and that there aren't any clear-cut rules for when you're expected to hug or how to avoid a hug - makes the whole endeavour fraught with awkwardness and peril.
We could all benefit from a universal code of conduct for hugging at work. Of course, if I wrote that code, it would just say "don't hug colleagues, end of story."
Perhaps I'm a curmudgeon, but really, isn't it better to err on the side of not making someone uncomfortable with unwanted physical contact?
That's especially true at work, where it can be hard for people to say "no, I'd really rather not hug" because of a fear of seeming cold or unfriendly to people we work with.
So huggers would do well to remember that their preference for hugging is trumped by a colleague's preference not to have that type of physical intimacy with a co-worker! Not all of us wish to enter the enveloping arms of our colleagues.
But unfortunately, people who love a good hug tend to assume that everyone else is a hugger too, and are strangely oblivious to the legions of us who instead take great comfort in physical boundaries when we're at work.
Some people push hugs even when they're clearly unwelcome, perhaps on the theory that the power of their warm embrace will melt the boundaries of even the crankiest among us.
So what do you do if you're a non-hugger marooned in an office of huggers? Or if you find yourself greeting someone awkwardly, unsure if they're about to go in for a hug or not?
One time-honoured strategy is to quickly and pre-emptively stick out your hand - making it clear that this is going to be a handshake situation. If you're worried that that will seem chilly or standoff-ish, then pair it with a very warm greeting, making it clear that you're happy to see the other person.
Or, you can mention that you're just getting over a cold and wouldn't want to get the person sick. Although that really only works with people you don't see frequently, since you can't use that excuse over and over.
But it's also okay to come out and declare yourself a hug-free zone! There's nothing wrong with saying, "I'm not really a hugger, but it's great to see you." Let's band together and reclaim our personal space!
And for all the huggers out there: when you're at work, by all means, greet people warmly, look delighted to see them, and take genuine interest in how they're doing. Warmth and friendliness are great!
We could use more of that. But unless you know for sure that the person you're greeting is a hugger themselves, draw the line at physical embrace.
Comments
I agree with Mr. Green generally speaking. Some people exaggerate and, even, pretend at work. A simple handshake is enough to greet a co-worker who you don´t see long ago. The norm is that people shake hands in greeting and goodbye and too it´s common to kiss women, apart from the French who kiss until a door. Hugging is odd and fake many times. Hugging or trying to hug to a curmudgeon or people who think in different way is awkwardness.
When I was working in a company and we met with people from another company everyone overacted. My boss told me: "You don´t speak and you only have to do what I did". Then, if he hugged, I hugged and if he shook hands I shook hands. He didn´t greet people fewer important, but these people were my friends, who I told and who I had relationship about business between two companies. When I could, I spoke in secret with my colleagues. ¡What situation!
In the Ministry, I think, people are more normal because you don´t need to pretend. Your boss can´t dismiss you. But sometimes, somebody says at a meeting: "As the Director says very well..." ¡What sucker! The worst is that the Director believes it. ¡What idiot!
See you.
I've just seen that they give the translation of curmudgeon (a word that is terribly old-fashioned but sounds great) as "cascarrabias". Would you believe that I have been called that on occasions? :D
The more modern version of the word would be "gammon" (Check it out in Google images). It is a reaction to the term "snowflake".
I agree with Mr. Green, generally speaking. Some people exaggerate and, even, pretend at work. (Not sure what you mean by "pretend" here )A simple handshake is enough to greet a co-worker who you haven't seen for ages. The norm is that people shake hands in greeting and saying goodbye and it´s also common to kiss women, apart from the French who kiss until a door. (I can only imagine what you mean by "until the door") Hugging is odd and fake many times. Hugging or trying to hug a curmudgeon or people who think in a different way is awkward.
When I was working in a company and we met / met up with people from another company, everyone overacted. My boss told me not to speak and only do what he did. Then, if he hugged, I hugged and if he shook hands I shook hands. He didn´t greet people of a lower status, but these people were my friends, who I told what he had said and who were close colleagues of mine (not sure if this is what you mean here). When I could, I spoke in secret with my colleagues. What a situation!
In the Ministry, I think, people are more normal because you don´t need to pretend. Your boss can´t dismiss you. But sometimes, somebody says at a meeting: "The Director is absolutely right..." What a sucker! The worst thing is that the Director believes it. What an idiot!